Hardware

Stand in your garage and strike at the metal block with an axe until you have hacked off a small pile of shards. Do this with several conductive metals, such as copper and aluminum, until you've created a mulch. Lather the mulch with a silicon gel, and then transfer it to a bucket.

Smear the mixture over your dead electronics with a wire brush, or, if you must cover an especially great volume, connect it to a high-powered hose. Collect batteries of all types, and begin firing them into the mass. You may want to hire a pitcher.

After three to ten days, your dead equipment should begin to sizzle, and a vibration will emanate from the pile. At the first sign of this activity, no later and absolutely no sooner, drag your mulch in a heavy trail from the pile to your front door. Within a few weeks, you will awake to find the electronics lined up at your threshold, waiting for your instructions.